33 Comments

Great post, Theodore. I think everyone feels the temptation to laziness, to waste away dissipating our talents in return for the comfort of television, internet, watching sports, etc. I know I do. It's hard, challenging and scary to follow inspiration, and there is a feeling of both surrender to the process/inner voice and being alone when following it.

When you wrote, "Strangely enough, after all these years, I feel like I’m paying for some forgotten esoteric crime, and I can’t pretend to be perfect and imagine myself as a gleaming angel of light" I can't help but think of Schopenhauer on this topic: "As a reliable compass for orienting yourself in life nothing is more useful than to accustom yourself to regarding this world as a place of atonement, a sort of penal colony. When you have done this you will order your expectations of life according to the nature of things and no longer regard the calamities, sufferings, torments, and miseries of life as something irregular and not to be expected but will find them entirely in order, well knowing that each of us is here being punished for his existence and each in his own particular way."

I hope you accomplish your goals toward self-sufficiency this upcoming year. Keeping your head down and focusing on each step of the process is definitely the right approach, otherwise the big goals can be overwhelming.

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Schopenhauer definitely struck a chord with me. Maybe this place isn't a penal colony for everyone, but it is for me.

Definitely dropped the ball on big goals, but small tangible goals have been working so far to the point where we're attempting more ambitious projects. Gotta keep pushing that boulder up the hill.

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Sep 4Liked by Theodore Atkinson

It can be a dark iron prison, but that's your choice, the Gnostics are wrong and the logos is clearly revealed for all to see.

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..truth is a mighty sword, the handle is filled with hope...and hope dies last. Thank you, Theodore for your inspirational historical writings. They are so appreciated.

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I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

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Dec 27, 2023Liked by Theodore Atkinson

Ted you are a gracious soul. Always enjoy partaking of your wisdom.

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Thank you. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my lamenting.

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"There’s a story I heard long ago, and for the life of me I can’t remember where it’s from, and of course I can’t find it now so if this sounds familiar please let me know"

Is this the original?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ma4VZ7rxGOw

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Least I know I'm not crazy and it exists somewhere! I spent hours trying to find that.

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I don't think that's originally where I heard it, but it's the same thing. I vaguely remember it being from either a Manly P. Hall or Earl Nightingale narration; the diction was very boring.

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As someone with a well-stocked root cellar, and a bevy of time-honored skills, as well as something of a Knight, I appreciated this post. I don't worry much about the devil and my deepest desires, but I was feeling a bit of darkness before reading this, looking for a new job, pondering my subscriber numbers. Thanks for the reminder to keep training/writing/learning no matter what.

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I've been looking for a new job too, and the process has been laborious, soul crushing and just overall depressing. But it'll work out. Just need to be persistent and slog through those dreary days. I know I'm not the only person who feels down this time of year.

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Best of luck.

Ed Abbey used to say, the only cure for melancholy is action

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Dec 28, 2023·edited Dec 28, 2023Liked by Theodore Atkinson

Love the Ed Abbey quotation!

Similarly, curiosity is the antidote to many of our ills:

> https://bra.in/9qzGQ6

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Dec 27, 2023Liked by Theodore Atkinson

Really enjoyed this. The noonday demon is a harlot,, staying on routine is critical. I got out of routine and I'm having to habit layer again and it sucks. Great read. The devil is a liar.

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My current routine is garbage and needs serious overhaul. I can't wait to get my hands in the ground and make chicken noises in the spring.

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Dec 27, 2023Liked by Theodore Atkinson

I'm still trying to get to where I'll get my hands in the ground. I will get there Lord willing.

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That took me years, hard focus and giving up a lot.

I started with a balcony facing north that got no sun, then few suburban square feet, then a few square yards, then a fraction of an acre. Now I have all I could ever dream of, but it's all prairie grass and bush, which I'll tackle a few square feet at a time.

The city life is empty compared to being covered in dirt and watching things grow. I'm actually looking forward to cleaning chicken poop, because that means I get to make compost.

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Dec 27, 2023Liked by Theodore Atkinson

That's awesome. Hope you got a deep freezer.😁

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We have a few, but that's part of the test to see how much we can handle... I really don't want to can. Canning is brutal.

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Dec 27, 2023Liked by Theodore Atkinson

You could flash freeze , canning is brutal. I've never had to do it but my Mom has and actually mentioned something about it on Christmas oddly enough and it's work. If you have neighbors maybe you guys could help each other on canning days. Good worries to have sir

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Sep 4Liked by Theodore Atkinson

Many people I think know this feel now. I bought the healthiest load of food yesterday I have bought for years. My sin is gluttony and I am trying to overcome it. Fortunately I get exercise walking my dog every day.

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I have lots of problems I need to deal with or just manage better. I suppose my main criteria is not to let it control me or distract from anything important, but it's definitely difficult these days with all the nonsense everywhere.

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Sep 3Liked by Theodore Atkinson

Thanks for holding up the mirror. I don’t want to be a sloth - but there I am. New resolutions incoming.

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I know I read this somewhere, but of course I can't find it, but Eddie Van Halen once made a comment that he spent countless hours sitting on his bed practicing his guitar when he was a teenager, and he wondered if he had the internet, would he ever have picked up the guitar? It does make you think about the amount of human potential that is getting sucked up daily but the phones and useless social media.

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Well I know it sucks it out of me. Maybe it's a symptom of our culture, because there's not much spirit left in art when it's been drawn out by entertainment. Although inspiration still finds a way, but I personally could benefit from putting a time limit on the creepy black mirror, maybe finishing one of the other million projects I half started...

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Jan 1Liked by Theodore Atkinson

Yesterday was the Feast of St. Sebastian, according to the Julian calendar. These are helpful illustrations.

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Dec 29, 2023Liked by Theodore Atkinson

Thanks, Theodore -- I was ready to give up on Substack as it had come to seem like little more than an interactive vanity press. And this very medium, which I have referred to as the"Last", or the "Exterminating Icon". Great illustrations!

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Substack has some hit or miss content, and that's as a reader. Writing is awful. Personally, I use it as a therapy session more than anything else, and then edit to the point where I don't seem completely insane.

But there are real people on here, not necessarily going through the same things we are, but similar enough. And sometimes those people need to hear that things suck, but that's not a good enough reason to stop.

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I initially started this wanting to talk about where I was going to put a kale garden next year, but it somehow turned into that! XD haha.

But I'm glad you find it useful. I try my best to write about practical solutions, sometimes in roundabout ways, and try to avoid being too preachy and idealistic. It makes me happy when someone does find it useful :)

Cheers!

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I'll post it below in case others want to read it.

Psalm 121 - King James Version

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+121&version=KJV

1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

2 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.

3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.

4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.

6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

8 The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

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